Untitled

I wish I could express how much I wish I could prevent writing this. I have often written about how much I hate debate. I dont think that conflict is something that anyone really enjoys but people often feel that one conflict is worth chosing over another.

Its not that I havent seen enough. Maybe Ive seen too much. To be honest, Im starting to realize that not only is what Im seeing very relavant but also the reason that its relavent is because some things are worse than I thought....I am not free to write about things that I must.

My choice would be to post encouraging messages everyday. Someone once suggested that my writing was cathartic. As best as I understand that word it doesnt describe why or how I write.

Describing things with a sense of humor or writing about encouraging thoughts is liberating but its not like Im writing to dig into my innermost thoughts in order to find better ways of expressing who Im am and creating a more self aware me. Instead its more like when I write in happy and fun ways, I get to go there along with my words.

I renewed my blog recently in hopes that I could stay away from some of the subjects that I previously wrote about. Maybe I will be able to avoid some of the wrong ways that I approached those subjects but they dont go away. To not risk making mistakes online seems to mean that I would have to stop blogging. I dont know where the balance is.

Im sure that there are situations where there are supports for autistics that are just ineffective and costly. Some treatments are brutal and cause bad health problems. I know that there are societal veiws of autistics that are as bad as what is ultimatly leading to murder. Even worse such actions are being justified.

What I have seen is being descibed by others in different ways every day that reminds me how relevant what Ive seen is. I cant really tell how wide spread it is but Im seeing that is very widespread.

This post is not a personal request. It also may not be very encouraging. However, whats the point in continuing, if I never tell anything. I understand that what Im saying here is a very generalized statement. If you are someone who fights for the rights of autistics, you are not just in the minority.

For what I am facing (and many others also) it seems more practical to say that such practical advocacy does not exist. Its hard to get people to help fix a problem that they think isnt real. Will the belief continue to be that this is a minority veiw of things? There are many that feel helpless and wont be speaking about it.

Some are afraid that as bad as things are, there is a very real threat that speaking up or even attempting to do so will only make things worse. The threats have been made very real. They have a good reason for feeling this way. The only way for things to change is for people to get involved that at least have less to lose. I guess its pretty hard for people to realize that the silence they keep doesnt preserve anything but their job. However, thats pretty much all it does do. In the long run it doesnt even do that.

My experiance has been that the idea that people have that there is such practical advocacy for autistics, is why people are dismissed when they say they need it. What I have seen is that agencies that are claimimg to advocate for this population are bogus. In other words, they have an agenda that is to provide appearances to prevent people from seeking other help. Some of this is justified by claimimg that regulation would prevent services that these agencies are providing to others. What they are over looking is too bad to be justified in any way.

Too many people are being hurt. I get very upset by hearing anyone saying something like get a lawyer or seek out an advocate as if such support actually existed. Basically what Im saying is that it does not exist. Anyone who wants to really advocate for autistics knows that to reveal too much or even look into matters where they know that the situation is very bad would mean that to do so would be to risk their position. Therefore they justify that if they risk their position they would not be able to help anyone....Sounds sweet but it stinks. They are no longer helping anyone anyway.

Maybe some advocates (no, Im not talking about autistic self-advocates) start out with ideals but when they see all the complications of being effective as they had hoped.... there are many complicated factors....Someone has to speak up about this matter. I really dont know how.

Im not thinking that Im going to post some blog and people who werent aware are going to suddenly become aware. It was really alot more comfortable when I had no idea if anyone was reading my blog or who the people were that was reading it. Actually, now Im thinking that the people who are reading this already know alot of what Im talking about. The last thing I want to become is some kind of crusader. I cant hadle what Im dealing with now. Why would I want to take that on? I wouldnt and I dont.

I dont want to go on somebody elses page and write alot about this. I dont want to make people nervous that Im going to start something on their page. Im really starting to realize that alot of people are like me and dont know what to do.

I want to spread the message of hope. I want to go somewhere else online and find people talking about solutions that we can all use. Hows this?Its optimistic (not pessimistic) to identify problems because until they are identified and accepted as being problems, they cant be discussed and no solutions can begin.

Writing a post like this doesnt come with any kind of agenda. Im real nervous and upset about doing it. I just dont know what else to do. The situation stinks and people just cant give up. Maybe it doesnt sound like it but this *is* hope. At least its the best way I know how to express it.