The Minutes of Todays Meeting

It was never supposed to be this way. No one ever promised me that there would be enough time.

No one ever told be that I saw things in the way that they are. Night seems to follow day fairly consistantly but I cant always even depend on that. At least not beyond what I cliam has occured during that time. My claims are just that. My claims.

I can tell you what I remember about how I saw something and I may even be able to tell you who recorded what and when. However, that wont allow me to own history anymore than the recorders who made choices about what they decided was important enough to record, owns anything more than what they decided. They own their decisions and I own mine. Thats all.

History doesnt repeat itself as though it has a mind of its own. Many minds choose how they see what happens and how they use what they think they saw. All this influences the future.

An evaluation of behavior cant determine the worth of behavior. There are so many ways to validate and appreciate autistic expressions that havent even been invented yet. Sadness from what results from broken dreams may be very real but those dreams (broken or otherwise) arent independant of value judgements. Changing how we see things wont just give us comfort. It also liberates the person who is expressing what we are looking at. It may not fix your life or even fix the moment . However, over time it can make a big difference....Im absolutly sure of that.

A bridge over troubled waters may be too high for the conveinience of someone traveling in an airplane and too low for someone traveling in a tall ship. But that doesnt change the functioning of the bridge. Besides the troubled waters that people need to cross over may be troubled because of value judgements anyway. It may be that the trouble is because people expect too much conformity for some and the confine others to ugly glares. Bridges always serve a function and should never be dismissed too conveiniently.

Of course we have met. You just dont remember because you didnt see me very well. Your focus kept wandering over my head or under my boots. But we were both there at the same time and we met. Do you remember what I said? It wasnt recorded but it was important to me. I remember what others said at that meeting because it seemed to be important to others.

It may not have been the kind of meeting you were acostomed to since I happened to be there. Do you remember what was accomplished or what was even decided to be the goals of the meeting? I got lost in the formality of it all. Whose expressions were seen as being valid by the majority? Whose words or expressions were seen as making sense? What direction was decided on? Was everyones veiw of that direction agreed on by anything more than a vote that was made by a show of hands? Did my vote count? Did I express myself in a way that was typical enough to be seen as worthy of anyones attention? Did anyone change their mind about anything based on what I said or did? Did it make a difference in what was voted on or how many people voted for it? Do I make a difference?

Time and the way history is recorded may be relative but you will never convince me that if everyone making the decisions about stuff cared enough.... that it wouldnt make all the difference that is needed to make everything alot better. How the decisions about stuff are made is completly dependant on how much people care. It just is.