Friday, December 15, 2006

I Wonder What Good it Does to Wonder


There are many questions. Im not sure that everyone is really looking for answers. I mean I think that sometimes people decide on thier approach to things too quickly.

I have no formal degree.... who am I kidding....I have no degree of formality. However I have studied the ways that people look at diversity all day everyday since the day I was born. I woke up in the morning thinking about it and I went to bed at night thinking about it.

I havent always known how to appreciate all diverse expressions. I must admit that there have been times in my life that I chose to see how I was different as being a better kind of difference than someone elses. Playing the fool can come easy especially when you have someone to show you how conveinient it can be.

I guess I cant respect age as much as some people can. My aging process seems to occur a little differenty than some peoples. The term, "Act your age" seems to sum up what I do pretty well. Everyone has some grasp of cause and effect that helps them to mature but I never seem to experience the same sequential patterns as how lots of the ways I hear people tell about how thier lives go.

Since diverse expressions has been my feild of study for so long, I have lots of stored memories about the causes and effects of how diversity can be approached. The study does include my own mistakes as well as what Ive studied in how others do things. Its O.K. that my mistakes have helped me to learn but its not always as easy to dismiss how Ive hurt others. You cant always take things back that youve done wrong and you cant always no how badly your decisions might have hurt someone else.

I still have today and I have the rest of my days and I can make better choices based on what Ive learned.

Its hard for me to express my faith. Probably because I havent found people who have experianced alot of things that I have that has brought me to believe what I do. I am where I am for a reason and have so much to contribute. I have the ability to care and Im so grateful for that.

I feel burdened by how some people are choosing to look at diverse expressions. Im very concerned about the lives that are lost because of thinking that is inapppropriate at best and evil at worst.

Im burdened by what I know that is wrong and I cant yet tell about.

When I hear about parents who are studying what they can see as diverse expressions and neurodiversity.... its so exciting to think about how these kids are going to grow up and what contributions they will make. Its so exciting to think about how everyone who is looking at things this way will be able to contribute to our future.

This effects every aspect of my future. It can make so much difference and it is so necessary given the alternatives and what can come of that way of looking at things.

Ive always believed that the day would come that I could be productive and contribute something. Even when sometimes I made bad decisions about how I saw diverse expressions including those of my own....believe me when I tell you, I thought about it ALL the time.

Sometimes I record meltdowns on this page and write about how it feels to be so stuck. That aint nothing new. The difference is that today Im experiancing difficulties with hope like Ive never had. Like I said Ive spent most of my life thinking about what Im now realising is really possible.

I wouldnt trade todays problems with any that Ive ever had. These are the best problems that Ive ever hoped for.

Wondering can take a person to many places ....sometimes in ways that are too informal for anyone to see what value they have....but dont ever forget how wonderful wondering about the right things can be.

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